I Messed Up Today
(And Might Not Get to Vietnam) How Failure Can Help us to Feel Better -With a Little Practice
Vietnam Streets
I’m traveling in Thailand and next on the wish list is Vietnam.
I’ve booked the hotel, the (non-refundable) flights, the biking trip. I googled getting a Tourism Visa and it’s supposed to be easy and $25USD. I found a site, it seemed pretty straightforward, I filled it out and then as it was taking my credit card information, (after I hit enter) it said the charge was $109. What?!? I was using a debit card and was nervous it wouldn’t work because my regular credit card got stolen on the flight here. I look at the URL and realize that I have most likely been scammed, this isn’t the Vietnam government website at all. I am pissed at myself and all scammers everywhere, because I am trying to live in a thrifty manner and $109 is way more than $25. And I know better than to rush and that it’s best practice to check the URL. Then I messed up in the real site. I blocked the email address of the maybe scammers and now I might need their help. And we leave in a few days, if I can fix this.
But - I made a commitment to treat myself better and not beat myself up. I am human. This kind of thing stresses me out and I am not calm and collected when I fill these things out. I can understand how I made the mistake. The ‘fake’ site was pretty slick. So, I take a deep breath and say my new tagline that I stole from my daughter who seems to be incredibly wise beyond her years,
“You silly goose!”
Although I am frustrated, and this failure is a set back, I mean it. It’s ok. I am practicing not taking myself so seriously. This is fixable I am pretty sure, life will go on, the worst that can happen is a delay and loss of extra money. I can learn from this.
In the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, cultivating self-love is an essential aspect. I think it’s critical to reframe failure = learning/knowledge. This process involves acknowledging our feelings, forgiving ourselves for our imperfections, and fostering a kind inner voice that guides us through life's ups and downs. Drawing from the wisdom of psychologists and thought leaders, here are some valuable tips to help you embrace your emotions, lighten up, learn from “failure” and cultivate a compassionate relationship with yourself.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Dr. Susan David, a renowned psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our emotions without judgment. Instead of suppressing or denying feelings, allow yourself to experience them fully. Recognize that all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, serve a purpose in guiding us through life.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness, as advocated by experts like Jon Kabat-Zinn, encourages being present in the moment without judgment. Through mindfulness practices such as meditation and deep breathing, you can observe your thoughts and feelings without getting entangled in them. This awareness allows you to respond to your emotions with compassion and understanding.
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, highlights the importance of treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a close friend. When faced with self-criticism or harsh inner dialogue, practice self-compassion by offering yourself words of encouragement and support.
Challenge Perfectionism: Brene Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability and shame, encourages us to let go of the unrealistic expectation of perfection. Understand that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks are natural parts of the human experience. Embrace your imperfections as opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
Practice Forgiveness: Dr. Fred Luskin, author of "Forgive for Good," emphasizes the transformative power of forgiveness. Extend forgiveness to yourself for past mistakes, regrets, and perceived shortcomings. Understand that forgiveness is a process that involves letting go of resentment and releasing yourself from the burden of self-blame.
Develop a Kind Inner Voice: Cultivate a nurturing inner dialogue that uplifts and encourages you during challenging times. Replace self-criticism with affirming statements that acknowledge your worth and resilience. Treat yourself with the same level of kindness and compassion that you would offer to others.
Engage in Self-Care Practices: Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it's spending time in nature, practicing hobbies you enjoy, or connecting with loved ones, carve out moments of joy and rejuvenation in your daily life. Remember that self-care is not selfish but essential for your overall well-being.
Have Go-To Sayings at the Ready: Remember that changing to a more nurturing way of being takes time and practice. I’ve had to constantly remind myself to not swear at myself and disparage my IQ like I used to. It might help to have several sayings at the ready. Here are some ideas:
I acknowledge my feelings without judgment. It's okay to feel this way."
"I am human, and humans make mistakes. This is an opportunity for me to learn and grow."
"I choose to treat myself with kindness and understanding, just as I would a dear friend."
"I release myself from the unrealistic expectation of perfection. My worth is not defined by my mistakes."
"I forgive myself for this mistake and let go of any lingering self-blame or guilt."
"I trust in my ability to overcome challenges and bounce back from setbacks."
"I am worthy of love and compassion, especially during times of difficulty."
"I embrace my imperfections as beautiful reminders of my humanity."
"I am resilient, and I have the strength to navigate through life's ups and downs."
"I choose to focus on self-care and nourishing activities that support my well-being."
And my favorite, ‘You silly goose.” (It’s going to be ok.)
9. Learn from This: If we can look at failure as new information, this can help us in the future. Steven Bartlett, a prominent entrepreneur and motivational speaker, has shared insights on failure and its connection to knowledge and growth. He says that failing (fast) is always a part of growth and success for himself and his businesses. “FAILURE IS FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK IS KNOWLEDGE AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.” So how can your next mistakes fuel you moving forward??
Embracing your feelings, practicing self-compassion, and nurturing a kind inner voice are integral components of cultivating self-love which will make you feel so much better in life! By incorporating these tips into your daily life, you can foster a deeper sense of acceptance, resilience, and inner peace. Remember, the journey towards self-love is a continuous process of growth and self-discovery, and every step you take towards nurturing yourself is a step towards living a more fulfilling and authentic life.
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