It was 2018. I had been through miscarriages, divorces and caring for a parent with Dementia. I was on edge, hyper vigilent about what could go wrong, living with relentless anxiety, waking with dread, over-thinking and tired.

I had been teaching elementary school for over 20 years and work felt toxic. I was in constant fear of school shootings. I had mounting financial problems. My marriage was falling apart.

I numbed myself with food and late-night TV. I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. I did the best I could, but I always felt overwhelmed and not good enough.

My health was deteriorating. I was out of shape and privately grappling with anxiety, panic attacks, and painful stress-related health problems - migraines, gut issues, getting sick all the time. I hated seeing pictures of myself, even of happy times like my daughter’s graduation.

I was jealous of other’s happiness and I felt that I was missing out. Social media made it worse. I worked on my to-do list thinking that if I just did more things, my anxiety would go away. I went to the doctors for the problems with my health. They told me that stress was the root of my struggles and that fixing that would solve mental and physical pain, but I had no idea on how to do that.  I felt like a failure.

I realized that I needed to change things.