How to Feel Better
Beating Imposter Syndrome
I used to hate myself. I would yell at myself and endlessly criticize myself. But when we are at war with ourselves, who wins? No one. I also didn’t realize that I was blocking good feelings and good experiences (that would actually make me a better person and bring happiness) because I didn’t feel that I deserved them. When we lack empathy and compassion for ourselves —we often find ourselves caught in cycles of judgment, resentment, or stress. I was definitely caught in that cycle of negativity and overwhelming stress.
Many of us struggle with feeling worthy, showing ourselves compassion, or simply accepting ourselves as we are. Here’s a simple example that still is a struggle for me: walking into a fancy restaurant. We had no money when I was little, and so I never did this. I grew up with a considerable amount of shame and was very aware of our differences when around wealthy people. So when I walk in, I can still feel that I am not worthy; people will look at me and let the staff know that I don’t belong. If you have felt this too, you are not alone. It’s universal, and the more we talk about it, and the more we are kind to ourselves, the more we decrease it’s hold on us!
I’ve changed it by studying what others have done, catching and pivoting my negative thinking and giving myself permission to care about myself. I have not turned into a mean, conceited person…in fact, my caring and empathy for others has grown. Two thought leaders that I greatly admire - Shirzad Chamine and Jamie Kern Lima believe that cultivating empathy and compassion is key to feeling better by reducing our inner saboteurs, managing stress, and tapping into our inner wisdom and resilience.
Lately, I’ve been studying under Shirzad through his coaching program and he has an activity that I adore and has further helped me. This activity from Shirzad shows us a simple way to foster self-love and self-acceptance so that we feel better. This exercise requires only a childhood photo (or your imagination) and about 15 minutes. Despite its simplicity and the feelings of awkwardness that might arise, (I didn’t want to do it at first either) I believe that it has an incredible positive impact. It will help you nurture greater empathy and love for yourself to feel good from the inside!
Step 1: Gather a Childhood Picture
Find a photo of your younger self. If a physical picture isn’t available, close your eyes and imagine yourself as a child. Visualize your unbothered, playful, curious self. This image will serve as a bridge to reconnecting with your inner essence. Here’s one of mine when I was about 4 years old.
Step 2: Study the Photo or Reflect on Your Younger Self
Take a few quiet moments to truly observe your childhood picture. What qualities do you see in this child? Perhaps you notice their sense of wonder, creativity, or kindness. Maybe you see the essence of courage, playfulness, or a love of learning. Write down the traits that stand out to you. Allow yourself to feel warmth and appreciation for this version of you. The little kid in me was bold, confident, loud, playful, and vibrant. I remember dancing and singing wildly but then something changed. Very honestly, it was sometime after this was taken that I learned it was better to be a quiet, good rule follower. “Kids should be seen and not heard. Don’t get too big for your britches.” I learned to shrink and play small in life. I would never again try to be the center of attention and I questioned my worthiness all through childhood and into adulthood.
Step 3: Look at Your Current Self
Now, hold up a mirror or use your phone to view your current image. As you look into your own eyes, seek out those same qualities you observed in your younger self. Look beyond any perceived imperfections or self-criticisms. Recognize that the essence of your childhood self still resides within you. Pause to feel any shifts in your perception or emotions. When I did this, I realized that in a sense, the world and my parent’s attempt at controlling our household held me back. The true inner essence of me was joyful, more self-assured, and bolder. Somehow I had learned to be different…and I could tap into who I was before I was molded.
Step 4: Create a Statement of Self-Affirmation
Write a statement that captures the qualities you see in yourself today, inspired by your childhood reflection. For example:
"I am curious, bold, creative, and observant. I am resourceful and playful. These qualities are my essence, and they continue to shine through me today."
Pair this statement with your childhood picture and keep it somewhere visible - maybe saved in your cell phone. Consider sharing it with someone you trust as a reminder of your innate worth and strength.
Step 5: Revisit This Exercise During Moments of Stress
Whenever you feel overwhelmed, judged, or unworthy, return to your childhood picture (even just in your mind) and the affirmations you’ve created. Let them serve as an anchor to self-empathy and love. This technique can also be extended to others; when you’re feeling frustrated with someone, try imagining them as a child. Recognize their humanity and potential, just as you’ve done for yourself.
Additional Times to Use This:
This isn’t just a tool for self-reflection; it’s a strategy for navigating challenging situations. Here are a few scenarios where it could be useful:
Before a Presentation or Important Event: Reviewing your childhood photo can help calm nerves, build confidence, and banish imposter syndrome.
Parenting or Family Dynamics: Viewing yourself as a child…and/or the other adults as they were when they were little can shift your perspective, fostering compassion and patience for yourself and your loved ones.
Toxic Work Environments: While it may be difficult to feel empathy for a toxic colleague or boss, practicing self-compassion for the child in them and yourself can help you remain grounded and resilient.
Interpersonal Triggers: When someone’s behavior irritates you, imagining them as a child can soften your response and reduce reactive emotions.
Don’t Forget About These:
To deepen your sense of self-worth and feel better:
Practice Gratitude: Acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and achievements, no matter how small.
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Celebrate progress and remind yourself of your capabilities.
Embrace Affirmations: Repeat uplifting statements daily to reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.
Engage in Acts of Kindness: Helping others often reminds us of our own value and interconnectedness.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you.
Personally, I feel better when I see elements of vibrancy and my playfulness - that part of me that shone through when I was younger. I have a loud laugh, but I do it authentically and I still catch myself feeling self-conscious as I am still growing and learning to accept myself even more. Rediscovering our inner child is a path to self-compassion and unconditional love… and we must continue to choose to stay on that path. By looking at yourself through the lens of your younger self, you’ll find it easier to silence your inner Judge and embrace the qualities that make you uniquely you. And as you cultivate this love for yourself, I’m positive that you’ll find it radiates into your relationships, work, and everyday life.
Take a few minutes today to try this exercise. What shifts do you notice? How does it change the way you see yourself? Remember, the child you once were is still part of who you are today—worthy, lovable, and full of potential exactly how you are right now.
Where to go from here?
Work with me 1:1. For anyone with chronic stress and anxiety feeling lost and trying to figure it out on your own, I can shortcut your journey out of anxiety to being your happiest and most confident, whether at home or at work.
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